Notes
在雷雨天失去一只壁虎2025-05-04
壁虎趴在我窗外已五个冬天。它嵌在白石墙与黑的栏杆间一动不动，无论雪天还是月夜。我想它应该在冬眠。
直到五月的一天。午前阳光如夏日般耀眼。午后天空忽然被阴云遮蔽。石子大的冰雹伴随狂风从天上倾泻。它们拍打窗玻璃的声音让我庆幸此刻正待在家里。
当风与冰雹停歇，我打开窗探出头。地上都是绿色的树叶与白色的冰块，而空气如此清新，充满枝叶与泥土的味道。我低头向下看，经营洗衣房的男人们正在用扫帚把冰雹从人行道推入雨水的溪流，其中有一弯浅绿。我看向窗台，发现壁虎已消失不见。
我看着它在雨水与冰雹，在仿佛是冰川融化的雪水中，游向更远。
在那里，它不需要再交给任何人自己的心脏，或其温度的读数。
西兰花的复仇2025-05-01
西兰花在花丛中幽幽地说：
「你甚至还不知道我的花语，
而我就要死去……
如果你一定要折断我
至少，水煮我以给我清白。
一定不要把我和大蒜搞在一起，
因为我不喜欢它的味道。」可是偏有人不听我的箴言，
就像几百年前西方的狂人。
他执意生食西兰花，因为，dixit,
「吾平生嗜食 crudità !」那他遭受的命运必将 crudele !
因为在死后他会坠入臭屁地狱——
看呐，有诗为证！
«ed elli avea del cul fatto trombetta»
（但丁，《神曲·地狱篇》第二十一章）
也就是，他的屁股变成了喇叭。2024-04-22
生簀籠
海の風ほしいまゝなり星まつり
光陰矢の如き簾捲きにけり
洗濯にふやけし指や菊日和
落葉焚く悔いて返らぬことを悔い
冬ごもり鶏は卵を生みつゞけ卯波
すみれ野に罪あるごとく来て二人
冬の浪くづるゝ音を立つるかな
人恋し青き木の実を掌にぬくめ
掌にぬくめやがて捨てたる木の実かな夏帯
洗い髪いつしか乾き小鳥来る
冬の夜の鏡にうつるものにわれ
枯草のひと思ふとき金色に
菊枯れて泣かねばならぬこともなし
つま先に寒さあつめて掛取りに
如月や荒れてふかまる海の紺
旅一人雪に泣くこと宥されて
恋に身を焼きしも遠し雪無韻
旅なれや雪も払はず袖にもと花神コレクション〈俳句〉 鈴木真砂女
La Jeune Parque, p.172024-03-02
上天创造了此多奇迹
难道仅为蛇的居所？
— 皮埃尔·高乃依
谁在那哭泣，若非单纯的风，在此时
独自一人，戴着极端的钻石？…可谁在哭，
在哭泣时如此接近我自己？这只手，于梦中轻拂我面庞，
分心地顺从某幽深的目的，
等待我的脆弱中有眼泪溅沥，
而我众多命运里缓慢分出，
最纯净的，在沉默中照亮破碎的心。
波涛向我低语一影埋怨，
或是牵回此处岩喉中，
如苦饮的未竟事，
那揪心与哀叹的潮音……
你要做什么，战栗着，手也冰冷，
而消褪的叶的何种震颤
还持续在你们，我裸露胸膛的岛屿间？……
我闪烁，与这未知的天空相连……
无垠的一簇闪耀着我对灾难的渴望。La Jeune Parque, Paul Valéry
Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power2024-01-19
最近读 Audre Lorde: Sister Outsider 里这一篇，很多地方感觉都写得非常好。
The erotic, power, pornography
There are many kinds of power, used and unused, acknowledged or otherwise. The erotic is a resource within each of us that lies in a deeply female and spiritual plane, firmly rooted in the power of our unexpressed or unrecognized feeling. In order to perpetuate itself, every oppression must corrupt or distort those various sources of power within the culture of the oppressed that can provide energy for change. (italics mine)
读到这里，想到了中国政府对各种创作中情欲、性爱内容的审查。一切 erotic 都被称为 pornographic, 所谓的「淫秽色情」。正如 Lorde 接下来写到：
The erotic has often been misnamed by men and used against women. It has been made into the confused, the trivial, the psychotic, the plasticized sensation. For this reason, we have often turned away from the exploration and consideration of the erotic as a source of power and information, confusing it with its opposite, the pornographic. But pornography is a direct denial of the power of the erotic, for it represents the suppression of true feeling. Pornography emphasizes sensation without feeling. (italics mine)
Feelings, the sense of self
The erotic is a measure between the beginnings of our sense of self and the chaos of our strongest feelings. it is an internal sense of satisfaction to which, once we have experienced it, we know we can aspire. For having experienced the fullness of this depth of feeling and recognizing its power, in honor and self-respect we can require no less of ourselves.
This internal requirement toward excellence which we learn from the erotic must not be misconstrued as demanding the impossible from ourselves nor from others. Such a demand incapacitates everyone in the process. For the erotic is not a question only of what we do; it is question of how acutely and fully we can feel in the doing. (italics mine)
Works (of Love)
Of course, women so empowered are dangerous. So we are taught to separate the erotic demand from most vital areas of our lives other than sex. And the lack of concern for the erotic root and satisfaction of our work is felt in our disaffection from so much of what we do. For instance, how often do we truly love our work even at its most difficult?
The principal horror of any system which defines the good in terms of profit rather than in terms of human need, or which defines human need to the exclusion of the psychic and emotional components of that need — the principal need of such a system is that it robs our work of its erotic value, its erotic power and life appeal and fulfillment.Joy
The erotic functions for me in several ways, and the first is in providing the power which comes from sharing deeply any pursuit with another person. The sharing of joy, whether physical, emotional, psychic, or intellectual, forms a bridge between the sharers which can be the basis for understanding much of what is not shared between them, and lessens the threat of their difference.
That self-connection shared is a measure of the joy which I know myself to be capable of feeling, a reminder of my capacity for feeling. And that deep and irreplaceable knowledge of my capacity for joy comes to demand from all my life that it be lived within the knowledge that such satisfaction is possible, and does not have to be called marriage, nor god, nor an afterlife.
Desire
The fear of our desires keeps them suspect and indiscriminately powerful, for to suppress any truth is to give it strength beyond endurance.
In touch with the erotic, I become less willing to accept powerlessness, or those other supplied states of being which are not native to me, such as resignation, despair, self-effacement, depression, self-denial.
When we look away from the importance of the erotic in the development and sustenance of our power, or when we look away from ourselves as we satisfy our erotic needs in concert with others, we use each other as objects of satisfaction rather than share our joy in the satisfying, rather than make connection with our similarities and our differences. (italics mine)
“Sister Outsider”, Audre Lorde
2023-10-18
La tâche que Kierkegaard assigne à la philosophie est de porter jusqu'au bout de l'exigence d'une pensée non plus entendue dans le registre de la maîtrise et selon une tradition propre à la pensée occidentale, mais dans celui de la passion. L'angoisse est, en ce sens, ce qui rend visible le rapport incommensurable entre le fini et l'infini — mais établi à partir de l'infini et non à partir du fini. « De même que la possibilité de l'esprit (de la liberté) s'exprime dans l'individualité sous forme de l'angoisse : de même encore ici l'avenir est la possibilité de l'éternel (de la liberté) déposée dans l'individualité sous la forme de l'angoisse. » L'individu capable d'accueillir l'absolu, autrement dit de décider de l'indécidable, accède par la foi au risque de cet acte par lequel il entre dans sa propre vérité en cédant la vision rassurante d'un avenir déterminé pour l'incertitude radicale d'un avenir ouvert à la possibilité de la répétition spirituelle.
Kierkegaard 为哲学设定的任务是将思考的追求贯彻到底，并非在掌控（maîtrise）的领域中，如西方思想传统所理解的思考那样，而是在激情（passion）中进行。在此意义上，焦虑（angoisse）揭示了有限与无限之间不可通约的关系——然而它从无限而非有限出发。「正如精神（自由）的可能性以焦虑的形式在个体中呈现，未来也是永恒（自由）的可能性以焦虑的形式在个体中沉积。」那些能够接纳绝对、或者说能够做出不可决定的决定的个体，凭借信仰面对一种行动的风险。在这一行动中，他进入自身的真实，放弃确定的未来那令人安心的视角，选择根本上不确定、向精神的重复敞开着的未来。
Anne Dufourmantelle, La vocation prophétique de la philosophie, p. 135