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A Tree Without, 四月日常


想不起来题目了,嗯= =


专业之外阅读量倒是很稳定。。杜诗详注看了九百页了,生词率和读 Blanchot 差不多。。


The Internet & the smartphone provide us an easy escape, and a source of infinite distractions always available.



中学之后,读过的书大部分都是英文的。一开始是为了学英语,后来则是因为偏好(以及一直没学好其它外语)。首先是主题上的偏好。有段时间很喜欢古文,似懂非懂地读过一些,后来就主要读西方近现代的作品了。对这些书,读翻译显然不如读原文。每次提到翻译都会想到的一个梗便是读黑塞的《玻璃球游戏》里的“多米尼加共和国”。另外,从质量上说,大陆出版社所出书籍装帧设计纸质等等大部分都不太好。中华书局和上海古籍可以把很好的书用很烂的纸印出来。北大等出版社好多数学书坚持不使用 LaTeX 排版,效果比 Word 还差。写得差就算了还那么难看= = 普通书籍也好不到哪去。我小学的时候似乎译林经典是一系列图片做封面的,各种大型马赛克,想起来之前在微博上看有人说中国的出版社里有着很多 Thomas Ruff 式的图像编辑(忘了应该叫啥了),说得很好!




以及,虽然无甚关系,语言与描述的复杂性也有类似规律。本学期选了一门通选课理论物理导论,见到了很多以前听说过但始终没有学过的物理知识。这周介绍了相对论电动力学,结论很美很简洁,但用到的数学更为复杂,其实我还并不是很理解。。(几何和物理都差= =)顺便想到,科学语言的发展似乎没有尽头,各种理论都越来越深奥,而人类日常语言似乎并没有什么变化?在近几百年里。为什么呢,咔咔。



Numerical Optimization 的作业要用 Matlab, 不过我不喜欢它,2014b 在两台电脑上都很容易崩溃= = 以及主要原因:很不优美,尤其是跟 Mathematica 比起来。所以说准备再学一个语言。Mathematica 虽好,但是写长一点就看着晕。研究了一下可能学 Python 或者 Julia 吧,晚上看了一会儿,两小时很快过去了。。
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Wallace Stevens: Of Mere Being

Of Mere Being
The palm at the end of the mind,
Beyond the last thought, rises
In the bronze decor,

A gold-feathered bird
Sings in the palm, without human meaning,
Without human feeling, a foreign song.

You know then that it is not the reason
That makes us happy or unhappy.
The bird sings. Its feathers shine.

The palm stands on the edge of space.
The wind moves slowly in the branches.
The bird’s fire-fangled feathers dangle down.

Of Mere Being 是我很喜欢的一首诗。这篇是我英语课的小论文,仅供参考。

Of Mere Being is one of Stevens’s most memorable poems and one of his last, written before entering hospital for surgery in April 1955 (Eleanor Cook).This essay is mainly a personal reading of the poem.

There are mainly two images in the poem: the palm and the phoenix.

In regard of the ubiquity of palm in Stevens’s poems, Harold Bloom mentions that palm is also an image of Sufism: God used a lump of red clay left over after the making of Adam to make a palm tree. Therefore the palm is primal: it’s present even before the advent of human words and meaning. This resonates with the inhuman song of the bird in the second stanza. In addition, the scientific name of date palm is Phoenix dactylifera, and there is an literal connection between palm and the phoenix.

The first stanza opens with: “The palm at the end of the mind”. “End” here may refers to the spatial end of mind, the limit of our thoughts. Or it can be the temporal end of mind at the end of life, as this is the last poem of Stevens. “Bronze decor” in the third line indicates the scene is at sunset, it also reminds one of the grandeurs of bronze sculptures. A palm tree rises in bronze decor, beyond the last thought. We feel the palm’s towering existence, and at the same time wonder what is this place at the mind of mind, what is there beyond the last thought? The transcendental, the imaginal? And by what means can we get there?

“A gold-feathered bird, sings in the palm, without human meaning, without human feeling, a foreign song”. These three lines strike me with their singular tone. This gold-feathered bird, the phoenix, is a fierce bird that burns itself at death and then rise anew from the ashes. At the end of the mind, it sings an foreign song, which makes it more mystical and solemn, reminding me of William Blake’s “The Tyger”. We also notice a further semblance between the tyger and the bird is that they are both bathed in fire.

Tyger Tyger, burning bright,
In the forests of the night;
What immortal hand or eye,
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

Fearful as they are, their symmetry and inhuman songs propels us to question “who made thee, who formed thy symmetry”? That is to say, who is the creator the phoenix? Is it of human nature, as God? Then why is its song inhuman? Or can it be something beyond our comprehension, the mere being that eludes description, that constantly inspires awe and desire? A symbol of beauty, a symbol of the sublime?

After all, whether we understand the inhuman song of the phoenix and their mystical nature or not may actually be of little matter, for the third stanza reads: “You know then that it is not the reason / That makes us happy or unhappy.” This sentence is rather confusing, and can be interpreted in numerous ways. We could say that the song is not the reason that makes us happen or unhappy. It has no direct influence upon our emotions, but may have influenced us in more profound ways.

I tend to read these two lines in a slightly different way, that what makes us happy or unhappy is not our making meaning of the songs, but the mere being of the song itself, as “The bird sings, its feathers shine”. That is to say, our perception of the bird moves us, yet through a subtle and inexpressible way. We cannot articulate its meaning, yet we can most certainly feel the power of its being, its sublimity.

This reminds me of reading Merleau-Ponty. I remember him saying that the perception of the world is difficult, and that we are often too eager to arrive at the meaning, the essence of things that we run past the appearances, which are thought to be superficial, but are actually very rich and illuminating. His examples are the paintings of Cézanne, and I think great paintings and poems share the same property that they cannot be “tamed”, nor to be reduced to a single meaning. We can feel the full power of their being only when we stay on the surface to explore its intricate topology, to behold the manifold possibilities of interpretation, together with its inherent ambiguities and paradoxes at the same time, instead of securing ourselves with some convenient “meanings”.

The last stanza goes back to the first, in a circular motion. We usually say “The branches move in the wind”, but here “The mind moves slowly in the branches” reverses the order of words and renders the palm’s being more self-sufficient. The last line reads: “The bird’s fire-fangled feathers dangle down”. It seems a moment and an eternity, as the fire-fangled feathers dangle down in space. “Fire-fangled” comes from combining “fire-fang”(caught by fire) and “new-fangled”(new, but derisory). It creates a double meaning of “burned” and “inclined to take fire”, implying that the phoenix could be dying or rising from birth. One can simultaneously feel a sense of repose and motion here. These are the last words of a master, and a masterpiece by itself.

Now we look back at the title, and we can see that the word “mere”, apart from its common connotation of “simply, just”, can also mean “very, essential”. I think “Of Mere Being” is such a poem that can bring us one step closer to the “Mere Being”, and it’s one of my favourite poems of Stevens.

January First – Octavio Paz

The year’s doors open
like those of language,
toward the unknown.
Last night you told me:
we shall have to think up signs,
sketch a landscape, fabricate a plan
on the double page
of day and paper.
Tomorrow, we shall have to invent,
once more,
the reality of this world.

I opened my eyes late.
For a second of a second
I felt what the Aztec felt,
on the crest of the promontory,
lying in wait
for the time’s uncertain return
through cracks in the horizon.

But no, the year had returned.
It filled all the room
and my look almost touched it.
Time, with no help from us,
had placed
in exactly the same order as yesterday
houses in the empty street,
snow on the houses,
silence on the snow.

You were beside me,
still asleep.
The day had invented you
but you hadn’t yet accepted
being invented by the day.
––Nor possibly by being invented, either.
You were in another day.

You were beside me
and I saw you, like the snow,
asleep among appearances.
Time, with no help from us,
invents houses, streets, trees
and sleeping women.

When you open your eyes
we’ll walk, once more,
among the hours and their inventions.
We’ll walk among appearances
and bear witness to time and its conjugations.
Perhaps we’ll open the day’s doors.
And then we shall enter the unknown.

Translated from the Spanish by Elizabeth Bishop with the author

读到这首诗很偶然。其实是三月在亚马逊买墨水(J.Herbin Perle Noire)的时候,为了免运费顺便买的。收到之后并没有立刻开始看,因为学校里在读的书也很多。昨天上课前突然想起,翻到了这首,非常喜欢。网上只有 Bishop 的译文,我个人更喜欢书里的 Weinberg 译文。不过差别并不大。

Prayer (I)

Prayer the church’s banquet, angel’s age,
         God’s breath in man returning to his birth,
         The soul in paraphrase, heart in pilgrimage,
The Christian plummet sounding heav’n and earth
Engine against th’ Almighty, sinner’s tow’r,
         Reversed thunder, Christ-side-piercing spear,
         The six-days world transposing in an hour,
A kind of tune, which all things hear and fear;
Softness, and peace, and joy, and love, and bliss,
         Exalted manna, gladness of the best,
         Heaven in ordinary, man well drest,
The milky way, the bird of Paradise,
         Church-bells beyond the stars heard, the soul’s blood,
         The land of spices; something understood.


By George Herbert

Ce Souvenir – Pierre Reverdy

Je t’ai vu
Je t’ai vu au fond devant le mur
J’ai vu le trou de ton ombre sur le mur
Il y avait encore du sable
Et tes pieds nus
La trace de tes pieds qui ne s’arrêtait plus
Comment t’aurais-je reconnu
Le ciel tenait tout le fond tout l’espace
Un peu de terre en bas qui brillait au soleil
Encore un peu de place
Et la mer
L’astre est sorti de l’eau
Un navire passait volant bas
                                   Un oiseau
La ligne à l’horizon d’où venait le courant
Les vagues mouraient en riant
Tout continue
On ne sait pas où finira le temps
                                   Ni la nuit
Tout est effacé par le vent
                     On chante autrement
                     On parle avec un autre accent
Je reconnais des yeux qui sont restés vivants
Et la pendule qui sonnait dans la chambre
Une heure en retard
Le matin vert qui vient quand on n’a pas dormi
Il y a un gai ruisseau d’eau claire et d’autres cris
Devant la porte une silhouette qui disparaît
Un visage dans la lumière
Et au milieu de tout ce qui vit et se réveille
La même et seule voix qui persiste
dans mon oreille









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Twilight Hour(トワイライトアワー)アーシャのアトリエ~黄昏の大地の錬金術士~ボーカルアルバム

Twilight Hour(トワイライトアワー)アーシャのアトリエ~黄昏の大地の錬金術士~ボーカルアルバム



Twilight Ocean シャリーのアトリエ~黄昏の海の錬金術士~ボーカルアルバム

Twilight Ocean シャリーのアトリエ~黄昏の海の錬金術士~ボーカルアルバム

我是從14年才開始聽 Vocaloid.. 之前不知為什麼聽得很少。有一天看了 Magical Mirai 2013,超喜歡。去日本的時候本來打算順便去的,結果因為信用卡問題沒去成(之前好像提過了==

KARENT presents 銀雪のアリア feat. 初音ミク


melt away

melt away


上半年基本沒怎麼聽古典,下半年買了 Spotify 會員之後聽了好多張,還又買了幾張CD。古樂真是太棒了!感覺現在才剛入門。。
2013-2014 新接觸到的一些音樂家(印象最為深刻的一些

  • Quatuor Mosaïques
  • Philippe Herreweghe
  • Tallis Scholars
  • Anner Bylsma
  • Ton Koopman


  • Glossa
  • Phi
  • Accent
  • Harmonia Mundi
  • Alpha
  • Naïve



Mendelssohn: String Quartets Op 12 & 13

Mendelssohn: String Quartets Op 12 & 13

Marin marais: Pièces de Viole du Cinquieme Livre

Marin marais: Pièces de Viole du Cinquieme Livre

Vivaldi: Sonate a Violino, e Basso per Il Cembalo

Vivaldi: Sonate a Violino, e Basso per Il Cembalo

Gross:Bal(l)ade Romantique

Gross: Bal(l)ade Romantique

000483 (1)

Vivaldi Edition: Vespri per l’Assunzione di Maria Vergine



Primo Levi: The Periodic Table


T.S.Eliot: The Four Quartets
艾略特就不用介紹了。14年第一次讀荒原以及四個四重奏,更喜歡後者。尤其 East Coker. 以下懶得貼圖了。

Fernando Pessoa: A Little Larger Than the Entire Universe
去年最愛之一。現在正在讀 The Book of Disquiet.

Roland Barthes: A Lover’s Discourse

Merleau-Ponty: The World of Perception

Foucault: Manet and the Object of Painting
了解思想家怎麼看藝術品與藝術家是很有趣的。之前在圖書館好像還看到 Lyotard 以及 Blanchot, 有空再說。

Kierkegaard: Either/Or



Wolfgang Tillmans
The Wako Books, Neue Welt, 以及其他兩本。當代攝影師裡還是很喜歡的(總共就知道那麼幾個吧

Giorgio Morandi



James Turrell

Rothko 畫冊連國圖都有好多本,先看了本薄的。我覺得他應該是必須現場看的那一類吧。






自從高一下學期打籃球膝蓋受傷開始,身體問題就一直困擾著我,逐漸成為我生活中最大的陰影。起初只是普通外傷,卻長時間難以恢復,隨後身體的其它各個部份都開始產生新的問題:器械鍛鍊時肩部受傷,玩長板時弄傷了腳,背部肌肉不平衡,甚至屁股都有皮膚問題(當時認為是運動減少的 sedentary lifestyle 導致)。哦似乎 Testicles 也有過很厲害的疼痛。


我長時間生活在這樣的痛苦與幾近絕望之中。高二的暑假里因為難以忍受坐著便把桌上原先墊在桌燈下面的那幾本《水經注疏》(買了之後從沒讀過)和另外拿來別的一些書堆成一摞,站著寫字;然而這樣站久了之後膝蓋又開始疼痛。沒有一種方式是可行的,像一隻被切斷了所有腿的蜘蛛掛在蛛網中央。還記得暑假前想著,暑假一定要去醫院解決這些問題,否則高三一定完蛋。結果並沒有解決,高三也這麼熬過來了,還如願進了北大數院,帶著這些病一起。大二期末在圖書館里忍著痛苦試圖集中注意力複習卻做不到,開始懷疑自己是不是有了什麼注意力障礙的時候,又想起了幾年前暑假的自己。甚至回想起初中時健康單純無憂無慮而又精力充沛的時光;初一剛入學時英語幾乎從頭開始,每天花上幾個小時學習;到了初三與高一時就可以開著 OED 讀莎士比亞了(當然是一知半解囫圇吞棗)。而現在成了個完全看不進數學書的廢柴 par excellence。這麼早就失去充沛能量的想法令我更加痛苦,以及開始懷疑:我究竟能夠做到什麼?

我曾想到過依靠他人,尋求支撐與幫助,然而這並不容易:光膝蓋父母就帶我去過好幾次醫院,找了所謂的專家,在他們看來都不是什麼嚴重的問題,只要不運動休息一段時間就可以了。其它的問題也都去看過,給出了各種各樣的處方,然而都無甚作用。那時我想,我的問題由這些生理病痛引發,然而重點在於,它們對我施加著難以理解的超越生理的影響(現在我才慢慢明白這究竟意味著什麼)。一種 Towering Presence. 而這也是我無法向人說出的原因:這些病痛在常人看來過於普通,不可能帶來什麼劇烈的痛苦(潛臺詞:如果你覺得很痛苦,那是你的(心理)問題)。另外也很羞恥:屁股上長包就讓你不能學習了?哈哈哈哈。。。這種無法言說的鬱結造成了第二重的痛苦,甚至令我感覺有些分裂:我需要把這些痛苦以及應對痛苦的機制隱藏起來(第三重:“你真是想得太多了”)。同學問起我:“你膝蓋怎麼還沒好?”的時候,一開始我會說:“很快就會好了!”,後來“下學期應該會好”,直到只是笑笑。



我讀書,尋找意義。忍受痛苦的意義,以及活著的意義。讀史鐵生,很有同感,然而卻感到不足夠。於是讀尼采、叔本華(很快放棄了)、陀思妥耶夫斯基、黑塞、卡夫卡以及各種經典,獲取了一些精神與思想的力量。然而這些依然不足以幫助我驅散疼痛。它們深刻,但似乎過於遙遠。閱讀它們是對身體問題的逃離:我試圖沉浸與更為本質的精神世界,以使肉體的疼痛變得無關緊要;或者將此疼痛看做通向理想道路上所必經的磨難。然而這時我總會想到,我的痛苦是“無意義”的:它並不產生於努力,反而阻止我實現自我的努力。對於我,這想法是任何哲學與 Rationalization 都無法跨越的。然而我繼續讀著,因為只有這些作品,才能讓我覺得活著是有意義的。

轉折點在今年五月。在一個氣力竭盡的下午,我感到絕對不能再這樣了。一定有一條路,無論多隱蔽我必將找到,無論多狹窄我必將穿過。(我比較瘦所以可以過窄門的說w)那天偶然在 Amazon 上買了一本 Total Recovery: Solving the Mystery of Chronic Pain and Depression, 現在看來是改變的第一步。之後又讀了很多其他書,例如關於膝蓋背部與肩部的,關於心理的 The Mindbody Prescription: Healing the Body, Healing the Pain, 還有一本 Netter 的解剖書。在閱讀的過程中,我開始慢慢理解到:我的身體與“我”是緊密聯繫在一起的,或者如The Mindbody Prescription 所說,身體與心靈是一個整體。想要擺脫疼痛,治療僅是一個方面,同樣乃至更加重要的是自我認識:認識自己的身體與病痛。這些想法比較 subtle 目前我可能還不能說清楚。

在此之前,我認為身體僅是一種麻煩的容器,病痛的來源,心靈的附屬。在遭受疼痛時,將其歸罪於身體的缺陷:如果我膝蓋強壯一些就不會有這些事情了。然而現在我明白,身體並不是替罪羊。身體的疼痛,正是“我”作為一個整體的問題。具體來說,病痛可以是人整體狀態的顯現。現在回憶時發現,正是在幾次大考之前時疼痛最為嚴重。它也許是我在心中被壓抑或者無意識中存在著的壓力的一種體現與反應。的確,在緊張的高三,不知何種原因,我很少感覺到壓力,感覺到一種輕鬆或者“超然”。或許我還曾覺得我比大部份同學都要聰明,如果成績不好只是因為我不想學(高中)以及我受身體問題所折磨(大學)。我從未懷疑過自己能否做到一些事,即使是高考前最為痛苦的那幾天,我也只有一次想到:“假如這樣去考真的考砸了,那去個北師大也挺好”。現在想來,這是否是因為精神上的壓力都轉化為一種身體上的疼痛呢?一切問題與煩惱的來源都歸於身體,除此之外我意識不到什麼壓力。你可能會說,其實這並不科學啊?我也覺得這很蠢,但是這可能確實是大腦的一種機制。(詳情參看 Dr.Sarno 的 The Mindbody Prescription 以及 The Divided Mind ).




Such is life
Falling over seven times
And getting up eight. — A Japanese Poem

The goal is important only as an idea, the essential thing is the opus which leads to the goal: that is the goal of a lifetime. — Carl Jung


祝大家新年快樂,每天都能以自己喜歡的方式生活。最後引用一段很喜歡的 Tennyson 的詩:


Death closes all: but something ere the end,
Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.
The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks:
The long day wanes: the slow moon climbs: the deep
Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends,
‘T is not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and tho’
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

Poems, Winter 2014

From Blank to Blank

A Threadless Way
I pushed Mechanic feet—
To stop—or perish—or advance—
Alike indifferent—

If end I gained
It ends beyond
Indefinite disclosed—
I shut my eyes—and groped as well
‘Twas lighter—to be Blind—

Emily Dickinson

這是我非常喜歡的一首詩。上週讀了一點 Emily Dickinson 給 Susan Dickinson 的書信集 Open Me Carefully, 實在太美。真摯而清澈的詩歌。
另外在閱讀的時候我有時會想起 A16 的 Rusty Sky 這首歌。


With a changing key

you unlock the house where
the snow of what’s silenced drifts.
Just like the blood that bursts from
your eye or mouth or ear,
so your key changes.

Changing your key changes the word
that may drift with the flakes.
Just like the wind that rebuffs you,
packed round your word is the snow.

Paul Celan

Keeping Things Whole

In a field
I am the absence
of field.
This is
always the case.
Wherever I am
I am what is missing.

When I walk
I part the air
and always
the air moves in
to fill the spaces
where my body’s been.

We all have reasons
for moving.
I move
to keep things whole.

Mark Strand

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Works of Love



这两天重拾 Helene Grimaud 的 Leçons Particulières(基本看不懂),昨天读到了 Schumann 的 Abegg 变奏曲,她解释了一下这名字啥意思不过我没有看明白。。今天听 Wolfram Schmitt-Leonardy 的 Schumann: Piano Works 居然正好听到了,以前似乎没有听过的说。


A mathematician is a person who can find analogies between theorems; a better mathematician is one who can see analogies between proofs and the best mathematician can notice analogies between theories. One can imagine that the ultimate mathematician is one who can see analogies between analogies. — Stefan Banach



(标题来源于 Kierkegaard